"Live Like You Were Dyin'"

He [She] said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time [love]. [I changed this word because I have learned throughout my life that nothing is more important than maintaining this Christ-like love in our relationships whatever variables need to be changed.]
Asked him [her] when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he [she] said,

[I like to think that these moments that stop us on a dime can refer to any kind of trials or adversity that we suddenly realize we have to bear.  I will never forget those moments.]  

[Chorus]

I went sky divin', [I've talked a lot about "losing our life" in order to find it.  And seriously, I've been given some pretty heavy things that I am required to believe in.  And in order to walk in faith, I've needed to do certain things that have felt just like sky diving would feel.]
I went rocky mountain climbin', [To me this meant figuring out what the heck I could do to make it right.  It meant studying the scriptures and praying like I had never done before.  And not just for a short period of time but as a new habit I recognized I had to establish in my life in order to make it through.]
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu. [The bull represents hell for me.  It represents all the battles I've had with the adversary.  I've never ridden a bull or a fake one but I've seen it done and it's a pretty good representation of how I felt at times.]
And I loved deeper, [When I finally let go of my Specific expectations, looked at my Desires from a more General perspective, and redirected them to a more appropriate source for me--when I finally did this--the love for everyone in my life sank down into the depths of my soul.]
And I spoke sweeter, [Seriously.  Everything changed.]
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying, [I didn't really understand where I hadn't been forgiving or what needed to be Fore-Given before.  But when I allowed others to be what they wanted to be without trying to force them into being what I needed them to be which was more than they were able to be and then turned to my Savior for what I needed, wow, it was so amazing!]
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.  [And that's why I'm posting this song.  I really hope everyone gets the chance to not just give up their lives, their selves but give them up to Jesus Christ.  What life he gives back is hands down the best thing I've ever experienced.  I mean I'm seriously done searching for more.  I've found it.]

He [She] said I was finally the husband [wife],
That most the time I wasn't. [Until I was loved the way He loved me I couldn't be the wife I knew I inherently Desired and HAD to be.  I mean there was no other choice unless I wanted to be eternally miserable.  I had to become more than I was.]
And I became a friend a friend would like to have. [Letting go of myself helped me to focus more on the needs and Desires of my family and friends instead getting into these feelings of victimization when things didn't go as I expected.]
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad. [This refers to anything I didn't really like to do before, things that bored me or were an "imposition." Afterwards they flowed out of me so naturally.]
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again. [I had read the good book and other good books before, but there are levels of looking at it.  It was finally this good long hard look and the application of it in my life that turned the key.  And there's no use dwelling on could of-should of things.  We start now.  That's why Jesus died for us.  To give us that chance now.  It's not too late.]
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.
[I knew I had a choice.  I had to make my choice.  I had to make sure that this choice was in alignment with God's will for me.  I was trying to find the Justice in it.  But what I found instead was the Mercy in it.  I realized that sometimes I have to accept Mercy for me.  And it was hard because even though I came to the point where I understood that Mercy, it meant I would have to hurt people because they wouldn't understand.  That made it seem contrary to giving up my life:  What about the Mercy I committed to give to others?  It made it seem like I was being selfish.  Yet I couldn't and had never before been ABLE to give up my life on a daily basis and in all my relationships like I was now able to give it up.  I came to be filled with Mercy.  It just started flowing out of me.  And I realized that even though it did hurt others, it was only temporary and that when we accept his Mercy for us, he will also give it to--compensate, atone for, redeem--all those who have been called to help me bear my burden.  I'm so thankful for those who have chosen to bear that burden when it came to them--especially my kids.]

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it [He] was flyin'. [The eagle I watched flying was Jesus Christ.  I studied his life, studied his choices, his actions, his words and pondered them deeply.  He never ceased to amaze me.]
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

rt:  Tim Mcgraw, lft:  Tim Mcgraw with song writers Tim Nicols and Craig Wiseman

This song was written by Tim Nicols and Craig Wiseman.  And there is a story behind it.  I've read it.  If you want to buy it, here is a link:  Live Like You Were Dying
I am so grateful for these song writers and for Tim McGraw singing it.  It was such a balm for my soul during those hard times, a way for me to understand more fully what I was going through.

Spin the Lyrics

When I'm working through the storms of my life I'm pretty stressed.  During those times nothing else seems to be able to reach me as powerfully as music.  But I don't just listen to the music.  I listen to the lyrics and my heart.  I listen for meaning and how it specifically applies to my life and the current conflict I'm trying to resolve.  Bottom line:  I'm listening for my Savior's voice in the song.  I reach for him, not just with my physical ears but with my spiritual ears.  I think I have done this ever since I was a little girl without even knowing what I was doing.  It is some kind of instinctive, spiritually genetic skill.

So it is pretty often that I spin the lyrics in a song.  I translate them to my situation, to fit my story.  For example, if it is a woman singing to a man, I might swap it to a man singing to a woman if I am in need of my Savior's confirmation, comfort, and guidance.  I listen to what he might be saying to me through these words.

Love songs are obviously singing about the relationship between a man and a woman but I spin them so that I hear the words singing about my relationship with my God.  I let the Spirit govern my translations.  Since I have had so many experiences in the past where the lyrics in a song (accompanied by that feeling of peace) have been instrumental in healing my heart, my faith in this Process is strong.

I did this one day a number of years ago when I was really struggling with an issue in my life.  I had gone on my walk around the neighborhood with my iPod on.  The following song came on (it's from my aerobics instructor playlist).  I remember I was trudging up a hill when it was like someone said, "Hey, listen."  I heard these comforting words as if they were straight from Him to me:

Superwoman
by Sonny O'Brien

[During my walk I changed this to 'Superman' and thought of Christ singing it to me]

Whenever you need me, whenever you call
whenever your world comes tumbling down, [My world was tumbling down]
I will break the fall
'cause I've got the power, to depend on
when a hero is all that it takes,
so if you need somebody [Man, I needed somebody]

I am your super[man], I'll be there for you
I am your super[man], I will care for you [I needed someone to care for me in this way]
no matter how hard, no matter how tough
I'll lift you up, and if you want it enough [the lyrics I found said something different on this line but I'm pretty sure this is what she sings in this version of this song]
I am your super[man], everyday

I'll climb any mountain, I'll swim any sea
I'll even fly to heaven and back, if you believe in me
'cause I've got the magic you can count on
when a miracle has to be done,
so if you need somebody

Repeat

I didn't just hear the words.  Something happened in my heart as I listened.  Wave after wave of peace flowed into it like waves crashing on the shores of a beach.  It was so amazingly pure and powerful.  I could feel His presence.  And I knew without a doubt that he was communicating to me.  He wanted me to know that he was enough for me.  At the time I was in despair and felt like NOTHING could resolve my conflict.  NOTHING.  I had nowhere to go.  I had no answers.  And even though he didn't give me specific answers at this time, I felt utterly and completely comforted.  I don't know why.  I usually want answers and don't feel better until I get them.  I guess it was just knowing that He was there for me.  I could FEEL he understood what I was going through.  It was like he was holding me.

In hindsight I can see that he did know exactly what was going on and why I was feeling the way I was.  I can see now that I wouldn't have been able to understand then.  I didn't have enough information.  I didn't know the full story and it couldn't be explained to me yet.  Over time I've come to understand it but in that moment on that day I didn't.  Yet this song, the words he said to me through it combined with the peace I experienced was enough.  It's not that I didn't have other people to call and talk to about how I was feeling.  I did and I'm thankful for that.  It's that what other people usually had to say to me or how I felt when I talked to them wasn't enough.  I have come to know this about myself:  I need Him.  Whatever it is that he is and he has that is different from what other caring and compassionate people have, I need it. 

I am so thankful to Sonny O'Brien for this song.  It has been a lifeline to me, a means by which I can reach heaven and it can reach me.