In a Big Country

I heard this song on the radio in November of 2008 (I added it to my iPod soon after so I was able to look up the date).  It used to be one of my favorites when I was a teenager in the 80s.  When I heard it this time it took on a whole new meaning to me.  I was going through some major Conflicts in my life, struggling to make things right.  This song seemed to come straight from heaven.  I know when that's true because it's like the song is singing the story my heart needs to hear even when my mind is thinking the only story there is, is the one I've been trying to get through day in and day out.  And of course that's when the lyrics start spinning the story for me.




"In A Big Country" by Big Country

Shock
Come up screamin'
Come up screamin'
Ha

I've never seen you look like this without a reason
Another promise fallen through, another season passes by you
[So something was wrong inside of me.  And the seasons were passing by me.  Yet I kept ignoring it thinking I just had to "be the good girl you always have to be.  Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know...well now they know..."  But over time I discovered I had a confused idea of what it meant to be a good girl.  I could feel I needed to learn something about Mercy and this song was giving me a clue as to what that was.]

Shock [Definitely shock. These lyrics expressed the intensity of my feelings.  Kind of an outlet that said it was okay to reveal how I was feeling to Him.  "Come up screamin'!"]

[This song has two perspectives--"you" which is second-person perspective and "I" which is first-person perspective.  This is the way I have found the Lord speaks to me through the Holy Ghost.  He speaks in both second and first perspective when helping me through my issues.  When he uses second-person, he's talking directly to me.  When he uses first-person he's empathizing with me, taking on my voice, my thoughts, my feelings.  So this first line of the second stanza that follows is him taking on my perspective.]

I never took the smile away from anybody's face [So he's basically saying, "You know you never have purposefully taken the smile away from anybody's face.  This isn't how you roll."]
And that's a desperate way to look for someone who is still a child
[I needed to understand that I still had a Child side to me.  I needed help.  And I needed to go to Him for help.]

In a big country, dreams stay with you
Like a lover's [Love's] voice fires the mountainside
Stay alive
[I was beginning to understand that I needed to stop doubting or discounting my heart.  I needed to acknowledge that even though I was doing all that I knew was right, I still felt like this couldn't be happily ever after.  There was more for me to learn.  Psalms 62:8; Mosiah 7:33; D&C 8:2]


I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered
[Yeah, my hope was shattered.  Just hearing Him say that brought be so much peace.  I had been dead set on sacrificing my life even though I couldn't seem to give that sacrifice with Real intent on a day to day, event by event basis.  Sacrifice without hope doesn't seem to work very well.  It seemed dead.  I was forcing myself to do what I knew was right.  I hadn't stopped to think about The Sacrifice that was done for me which needed to become operable in my life in order for me to be able to sacrifice in Balance, with real intent, with Hope, in Love.]

I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert
But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime
[Again, this is that first-second person perspective combination.  I didn't expect to grow flowers in the desert.  I knew life was hard.  Things that mean the most take work!  I was willing to take that.  But shouldn't there be a little more Joy in the Journey?  And I was talking about the core kind of Joy the kind that no Disneyland vacation, big house, or luxury cruise has the power to sustain.  Maybe I was talking about Sustainable Joy.  Where was that?  Why wasn't it incremental?  Would it only come after death?  What did the scriptures say about this? (Alma 32:41-43)]

In a big country, dreams stay with you
Like a lover's [Love's] voice fires the mountainside [Love has a voice.  It exists independently.  Certain laws have to be obeyed so that it might flow.  If they are not, then it will be stopped up.  It's the politics of dancing. D&C 130:20-21; D&C 93:8-10, 20, 30]
Stay alive
[I hear this phrase, "Stay alive," repeated a lot in this song.  There are opportunity costs to every sacrifice.  We can sacrifice something Good for something Better.  But we can also mistakenly sacrifice something Best for something Good.  Making those choices, discerning between Good, Better, and Best is a crucial part of our Agency.  And it defines who we are and who's we are (Matthew 10:34-39). So we need to decide what it is that we want to "stay alive" and what it is that we need to let go of in order to come alive. (see the talk "Good, Better, Best" by Dallin H. Oaks]

So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded
["been discarded"  That's a pretty good description of how I felt.  But He was saying I hadn't been discarded, that He would never discard me (3 Nephi 22:7-9).  I just had to figure out what the story was and what He wanted me to do about it.]
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted
[This was key for me.  What did I desire?  What did I want?  He wanted to know.  He wanted me to know.  And I wanted Him to know that I could not, would not consciously do anything against God's will to obtain my Desire.  So I wanted to know how I could obtain that Desire within His boundaries--the Balance that he describes in the scriptures and within my heart? (D&C 82:10).  And this became the crux of my Faith:  "For with God nothing shall be impossible" (Luke 1:37) and "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you (Moroni 7:26).  Stories have to be spun.  Certain variables may need to be changed.  But in Mercy balance can be maintained, regained, and strengthened.  And only someone who has that Balance can sacrifice in HIS NAME (Mosiah 3:17).]
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had shattered

Shock, 1, 2 [!!]

[...more repetition of chorus]

There's a Bigger Country than what is right before our Physical eyes and ears.  We can sense its existence within us.  There's another King in charge of that Country.  It contains another brighter and everlasting story for each of us.  And if we have eyes to see and ears to hear, we will see and hear it.

I love this song by Big Country!  Music with an amazing beat has the capacity to convey great power when partnered with clean lyrics like this song!  I believe that saintly choirs accompanied by organs do not have a monopoly on hymns of praise and songs of the heart.  I love to find songs from all walks of life and from all genres that sing about the True Matters of the Soul.

Spin the Lyrics

When I'm working through the storms of my life I'm pretty stressed.  During those times nothing else seems to be able to reach me as powerfully as music.  But I don't just listen to the music.  I listen to the lyrics and my heart.  I listen for meaning and how it specifically applies to my life and the current conflict I'm trying to resolve.  Bottom line:  I'm listening for my Savior's voice in the song.  I reach for him, not just with my physical ears but with my spiritual ears.  I think I have done this ever since I was a little girl without even knowing what I was doing.  It is some kind of instinctive, spiritually genetic skill.

So it is pretty often that I spin the lyrics in a song.  I translate them to my situation, to fit my story.  For example, if it is a woman singing to a man, I might swap it to a man singing to a woman if I am in need of my Savior's confirmation, comfort, and guidance.  I listen to what he might be saying to me through these words.

Love songs are obviously singing about the relationship between a man and a woman but I spin them so that I hear the words singing about my relationship with my God.  I let the Spirit govern my translations.  Since I have had so many experiences in the past where the lyrics in a song (accompanied by that feeling of peace) have been instrumental in healing my heart, my faith in this Process is strong.

I did this one day a number of years ago when I was really struggling with an issue in my life.  I had gone on my walk around the neighborhood with my iPod on.  The following song came on (it's from my aerobics instructor playlist).  I remember I was trudging up a hill when it was like someone said, "Hey, listen."  I heard these comforting words as if they were straight from Him to me:

Superwoman
by Sonny O'Brien

[During my walk I changed this to 'Superman' and thought of Christ singing it to me]

Whenever you need me, whenever you call
whenever your world comes tumbling down, [My world was tumbling down]
I will break the fall
'cause I've got the power, to depend on
when a hero is all that it takes,
so if you need somebody [Man, I needed somebody]

I am your super[man], I'll be there for you
I am your super[man], I will care for you [I needed someone to care for me in this way]
no matter how hard, no matter how tough
I'll lift you up, and if you want it enough [the lyrics I found said something different on this line but I'm pretty sure this is what she sings in this version of this song]
I am your super[man], everyday

I'll climb any mountain, I'll swim any sea
I'll even fly to heaven and back, if you believe in me
'cause I've got the magic you can count on
when a miracle has to be done,
so if you need somebody

Repeat

I didn't just hear the words.  Something happened in my heart as I listened.  Wave after wave of peace flowed into it like waves crashing on the shores of a beach.  It was so amazingly pure and powerful.  I could feel His presence.  And I knew without a doubt that he was communicating to me.  He wanted me to know that he was enough for me.  At the time I was in despair and felt like NOTHING could resolve my conflict.  NOTHING.  I had nowhere to go.  I had no answers.  And even though he didn't give me specific answers at this time, I felt utterly and completely comforted.  I don't know why.  I usually want answers and don't feel better until I get them.  I guess it was just knowing that He was there for me.  I could FEEL he understood what I was going through.  It was like he was holding me.

In hindsight I can see that he did know exactly what was going on and why I was feeling the way I was.  I can see now that I wouldn't have been able to understand then.  I didn't have enough information.  I didn't know the full story and it couldn't be explained to me yet.  Over time I've come to understand it but in that moment on that day I didn't.  Yet this song, the words he said to me through it combined with the peace I experienced was enough.  It's not that I didn't have other people to call and talk to about how I was feeling.  I did and I'm thankful for that.  It's that what other people usually had to say to me or how I felt when I talked to them wasn't enough.  I have come to know this about myself:  I need Him.  Whatever it is that he is and he has that is different from what other caring and compassionate people have, I need it. 

I am so thankful to Sonny O'Brien for this song.  It has been a lifeline to me, a means by which I can reach heaven and it can reach me.